Thread: советские военные песни
The night is short, Clouds are sleeping, Your unfamiliar hand, Lie at my palm.
After alarms The town is sleeping. I heard a waltz melody And droped in here for hour or so.
Though I`m almost unfamiliar with you And my house is far from here, I feel as if I`m again At the home bank. We are dancing together, In this empty hall, So tell me just a word, But I don't know what about.
We will whirl around, Sing and be friends. I absolutely lost the skill of dancing, And ask you to excuse me. Morning is calling, Again in a campaign. Leaving your town, I will pass by your gate.
Though I`m almost unfamiliar with you And my house is far from here, I feel as if I`m again At the home bank. We are dancing together, In this empty hall, So tell me just a word, But I don't know what about.
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Моя отчаянная попытка перевести Лизавету
Текст: Ты ждешь, Лизавета, От друга привета, Ты не спишь до рассвета, Все грустишь обо мне. Одержим победу, К тебе я приеду На горячем вороном коне.
Приеду весною, Ворота открою. Я с тобой, ты со мною Неразлучны вовек. В тоске и тревоге Не стой на пороге, Я вернусь, когда растает снег.
Моя дорогая, Я жду и мечтаю, Улыбнись мне, встречая, Был я в храбром бою. Эх, как бы дожить бы До свадьбы-женитьбы И обнять любимую свою!
Попытка перевода: You are waiting for, Lisaveta A message from your beloved You don't sleep till dawn Because you miss me We will win And I'll come to you On hot-blooded black horse
I will come at spring, Will open the door I and you, you and I We are together forever. Don't stand at doorstep In yearning and worry I'll be back when The snow melts
My dear I'm waiting and dreaming Smile to me when we'll meet I had a brave fight I just wish I'll stay alive To marry you And hug my beloved
Я не уверена в правильности грамматических конструкций, местами в лексике и абсолютно не уверена в предлогах. Кто-нибудь может сказать, где не правильно?
И еще более кривая попытка перевода
Давай, закурим! Теплый ветер дует, развезло дороги, И на Южном фронте оттепель опять. Тает снег в Ростове, тает в Таганроге. Эти дни когда-нибудь мы будем вспоминать. Припев: Об огнях-пожарищах, О друзьях-товарищах Где-нибудь, когда-нибудь мы будем говорить. Вспомню я пехоту, И родную роту, И тебя - за то, что ты дал мне закурть. Давай закурим, товарищ, по одной, Давай закурим, товарищ мой! Нас опять Одесса встретит как хозяев, Звезды Черноморья будут нам сиять. Славную Каховку, город Николаев, Эти дни когда-нибудь мы будем вспоминать. Припев. А когда не станет немцев и в помине И к своим любимым мы придем опять, Вспомним, как на Запад шли по Украине, Эти дни когда-нибудь мы будем вспоминать.
Перевод Warm wind is blowing, roads are like mire And there is thaw at the Southern forefront again Snow is melting in Rostov, is melting in Taganrog One day we will reminisce these days
Refrain: About flame and conflagrations About friends and comrades Somewhere , someday we'll talk I'll remember the infantry, And my native company , And you for what you gave me to smoke ( gave me a cigarette)
Let's smoke, comrade (ПО ОДНОЙ. ) Let's smoke, my friend!
Odessa will meet us as owners again Stars above Black Sea will shine for us The nice Kahovka, the Nickolaev city One day we will reminisce these days
And when there are no Germans here And we are back again to our beloveds We will remember how we went to west through Ukraine One day we will reminisce these days
Очень бы хотелось комментариев от профессионалов, то что там ошибок куча - 100%
Мы забыли самую известную песню!
«День Победы»
День Победы, как он был от нас далек, Как в костре потухшем таял уголек. Были версты, обгорелые, в пыли, - Этот день мы приближали как могли.
Этот День Победы Порохом пропах, Это праздник С сединою на висках. Это радость Со слезами на глазах. День Победы ! День Победы ! День Победы !
Дни и ночи у мартеновских печей Не смыкала наша Родина очей. Дни и ночи битву трудную вели - Этот день мы приближали как могли.
Этот День Победы Порохом пропах, Это праздник С сединою на висках. Это радость Со слезами на глазах. День Победы ! День Победы ! День Победы !
Здравствуй, мама, возвратились мы не все. Босиком бы пробежаться по росе ! Пол-Европы, прошагали, пол-Земли, - Этот день мы приближали как могли.
Этот День Победы Порохом пропах, Это праздник С сединою на висках. Это радость Со слезами на глазах. День Победы ! День Победы ! День Победы !
The Day of Victory, like an ember in the fire, Seemed so distant, but remained our hearts` desire. Miles behind us, scorched and battered there we stood, Bringing victory as closer as we could.
That`s our Day of Victory Ringing through the skies Proud and joyful We have bought it for a price There is gladness But with sadness in our eyes. The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory!
Plants and factories kept on working day and night On the home front we`ve put up a valiant fight Without respite toiling for the common good Bringing victory as closer as we could.
That`s our Day of Victory Ringing through the skies Proud and joyful We have bought it for a price There is gladness But with sadness in our eyes. The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory!
Come now, mother. I have made it back to you… Feel like running barefoot in the morning dew. Miles behind us, we`ve lost many souls for good Bringing victory as closer as we could.
That`s our Day of Victory Ringing through the skies Proud and joyful We have bought it for a price There is gladness But with sadness in our eyes. The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory! The Day of Victory!
Давай закурим! Теплый ветер дует, развезло дороги, И на Южном фронте оттепель опять.
With this one, I was trying to think how to translate the impersonal, idiomatic construction развезло дороги -- maybe, "the roads are a total mess"? Or "the roads are knee-deep in filthy slush"?
Then I had a sudden inspiration: "Таганрог" rhymes with "bog" (болото)! Well, not exactly, but it kinda/sorta rhymes. Okay, in fact, they don't rhyme at all. But, hell, since we пиндосы say yoo-KRANE and RUH-shuh instead of oo-kra-EE-na and rah-SEE-ya, why not Americanize the pronunciation of "Taganrog" so that it's a perfect rhyme for "bog"? So, then, I decided that I would try to preserve the song's rhyme-schemes (ABAB or AAB, etc.) throughout my translation.
However, I found it necessary to change the meter of the lines -- in my mind, the resulting English version turned out to have a sort of "кантри" rhythm. But in this case, I didn't know the original melody, so I felt free to take some liberties. And I took some liberties, too, in translating some of the words and phrases (e.g., рота isn't literally "platoon"), but I think it's close enough to the sense of the original.
By the way, I wasn't sure about the meaning of давай закурим по одной -- does it mean "let's have one cigarette apiece (one for me, one for you)" OR does it mean "let's share one cigarette"?
1: There's a warm wind a-blowing, the road's a muddy bog -- Spring is fast approaching, on the south front of the war. The snow is melting in Rostov, it melts in Taganrog, And these days are the days that we'll recall forevermore!
Refrain: About landscapes burnt and bloody, About every friend and buddy -- We'll sit and reminisce, and mourn, and joke.
I'll remember the infantry, The guys from my old platoon, And I'll remember YOU for giving me a smoke!
So let's have a smoke, buddy, one for you, one for me Let's light 'em up, buddy -- and here's to victory!
2: As the city of Odessa her returning heroes greets, The stars above will shine upon the Black Sea's northern shore, And on glorious Kakhovka, and on Nikolayev's streets. I tell you, these are the days that we'll recall forevermore!
3: When the last of the Nazis have surrendered or been slain And we're home with our loved ones, like before -- We'll recall how we fought westward, across our dear Ukraine And these days are the days of which we'll sing forevermore!
P.S. By the way, I thought it seemed appropriate to render товарищ as "buddy" here, instead of the more usual translation "comrade" -- for American audiences, "comrade" would seem overly formal and can also have negative political connotations just sounds too F*cking Commie , but "buddy" is highly positive and definitely fits the US military vernacular of the 1940s. (Actually, the real problem with "comrade" is not so much that it sounds "too communist", but that Americans might interpret it as "sarcastic mock-formality" in this context, and I assumed that no sarcasm was intended.)
Двадцать второго июня, Ровно в четыре часа.
Okay, as I started translating this one, I gradually realized that you can sing it to the tune of "Синий Платочек" -- especially when I reached the lines "И ты смотри / С чувством моим не шути. ".
Can we assume that it's meant to be a "serious parody" of -- or rather, "an homage to" -- the more famous song "The Blue Kerchief"? (Or is the word "скоммуниздить" more appropriate here?)
Anyway, as with "Фронтовая Катюша", the original melody was so loud and clear in my mind that I found it impossible to take liberties with the meter for the sake of rhyme.
So, I did an unrhymed version -- however, I did try to show the change in meter between the "строфы" and the "припев". (The text doesn't have a "refrain", but the melody does.)
"It Was June the Twenty-Second. "
It was June the Twenty-Second, Exactly oh-four-hundred hours. Kiev was bombed, announcing to us That the war had begun at last.
They started just before daybreak, In order to kill more of our people -- Parents still slept, the kids tucked in bed, When the bombing of Kiev began.
The time of peace is over, The hour's come for us to part, I'm leaving, and I promise To stay true to you forever.
And you -- Take care, Not to treat My poor heart Like a toy! Come out, my fair lady, To the train depot -- Come see your man off to war!
The car's wheels are gonna lurch forward, The train'll speed off like an arrow, As you from the platform, and I from the train, Are waving sadly to each other.
Shells and mines were exploding Tanks rumbled beneath their armor Fighter planes, like red hawks, circling above As we hurtled west, fast as an arrow.
Winter's brutal cold had come The enemy forces were near Moscow The cannons blazed, the mines exploded, Tearing the Germans limb from limb.
The battle for the capital is over, The Germans have fled helter-skelter Abandoning their tanks and their mortars, Enemy soldiers ran away by the thousands.
The years Will pass, And someday I Shall see you Once more!
You'll smile and hug me, Feel our hearts beating, And finally you'll kiss me again! (x2)
Мы забыли самую известную песню!
«День Победы»
Good job! I made a few corrections to the English:
The night is short, Clouds are sleeping, Your unfamiliar hand, Lie s at in my palm.
After the alarms The town is sleeping. I heard a waltz melody And dro p ped in here for hour or so.
Though I`m almost unfamiliar with you And my house is far from here, I feel as if I`m again At the home bank . We are dancing together, In this empty hall, So tell me just a word, But I don't know what about.
We will whirl around, Sing and be friends. I absolutely lost the skill of dancing, And ask you to excuse me. Morning is calling, Again in a Back to the campaign. Leaving your town, I will pass by your gate.
And over the weekend, I had also done a translation of Случайный вальс.
Once again, I decided that for this song, it would be worth the trouble to do an "artistic" English translation and preserve some sense of the original's rhymes -- although I found it impossible to be faithful to the meter, and in some places the translation is very far from literal accuracy ("спят облака" became "moonbeams shine," for example).
But I really enjoyed the poetry of the original -- a bittersweet romantic sketch about a boy and a girl who meet by chance and will probably never see each other again -- so I wanted to create a "singable" translation. True, it doesn't fit the original melody, but if you're good at syncopation, you can still sing it as a waltz!
By the way, translating "будем. дружить" as "we'll enjoy a cordial chat" was my attempt to convey the distance and formality of using "вы" instead of "ты." (Слово "cordial" звучит ОЧЕНЬ "на вы" -- вопреки тому, что оно восходит к латинскому cors, с значением "сердце".) And "a handsome pair" (instead of "a wonderful/splendid/gorgeous/lovely pair") is meant to produce the same effect of emotional restraint without too much intimacy.
"An Accidental Waltz"
1: The night is much too short; Above, the moonbeams shine, And your unfamiliar hand Feels comfortable in mine. The town is sleeping now, No more howl of sirens in it. But some music caught my ear, so I peeked in -- for just a minute.
Refrain: Although I barely know you, And grew up far from here, It seems like I've come home To my old house from yesteryear. Waltzing 'round this empty hall, We make a handsome pair. So talk to me a little bit -- About what, I don't care!
2: We'll whirl around and sing, And enjoy a cordial chat. I've quite forgotten how to dance -- Forgive me, please, for that! Come morning, duty calls; Our enemies await. But as I leave your little town, I'll pass right by your gate.
By the way, to be honest, this was my least favorite of the songs that Nuraa posted -- somehow, the lyrics were much too much like a Michael Bay / Jerry Bruckheimer movie.
Серьёзно, я всё время ожидал сцену, где внезапно воскресая, "мёртвый" немецкий фашист застрелил -- в повторяющих кадрах "slo-mo" -- советского героя, причём подруга -- в съёмке "close-up" -- кричит "Неэээт! НЕЭЭЭЭЭЭЭЭЭЭЭЭТ!" (Потом она утирает слёзы и орёт по-английски: "Hey, Mister Nazi -- tell Hitler to blitzkrieg on THIS, motherfucker!", и несчастливого немца превращает в прах атомично-лазерно-миномётом, который изобрела сама собой. (Кроме того, что наша героиня -- природная красавица с крупными "буферами", владеет карате, и говорит на пяти языках -- к тому же, она гений-доктор по физики и электротехники. Естественно.) До конца песни, девушка нашла бы нового парня, очень похожего на Бена Аффлека, и они вместе победили бы Гитлера. если бы, конечно, эта песенка в действительности была бы продукцией Bay/Bruckheimer.))))))
Sorry, I got carried away by my own silliness. Но, ИМХО, оригинал "Синий Платочек" горазда лучше звучит (что касается текста -- всё-таки эту "пародию" приятно петь, потому что мелодия так хороша.)
Again, here's my edit of your translation -- there were a few small grammar mistakes that I've corrected with red, while the blue text marks my suggested changes to make the English sound more colloquial or poetic (although your translation of these blue parts was completely correct).
You are waiting, Lisaveta, for A message from your beloved You can't fall asleep till dawn Because you miss me We will fight to victory And I'll come to you On a raging black stallion
I will come in the springtime , I will open the door I and you, you and I Together forever. Don't stand there in the doorway Full of yearning and worry I'll be back when The snow melts
My dear I'm waiting and dreaming Smile at me when we see each other I fought bravely I just wish I'll stay alive To marry you And hug my beloved
To me, this is probably the most touching song I've ever heard. Nobody knows whom it was dedicated to and it became known by its first line (Бьётся в тесной печурке огонь):